question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
