Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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