girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
