I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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