dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
