I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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