she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
