I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
