Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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