Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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