officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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