I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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