Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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