My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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