Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize