In the future we'll all be gay
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize