I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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