they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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