he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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