He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
