Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
