He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
