I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
