Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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