So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
