Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
