Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
