i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
