Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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