There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize