Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
