I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize