White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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