Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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