Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
