i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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