Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
