i jhust puked up my retainher.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
