i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
