pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
