So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
