Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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