At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
