she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
