he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
