bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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