Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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