I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
