none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
