Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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