Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You took a bar mat shot.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
