i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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