you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You took a bar mat shot.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
