you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
