So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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