i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
