I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
