In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sarcasm needs its own font
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
