I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
