The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you had me at cake vodka
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
