I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
