yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
