life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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