Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
