I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
